"Where to the sea, please"
A new book wants to explain to us "what it really means to go on a cruise" ...
When someone travels, they have a lot to tell - or at least they think they do. Just like Bettina Querfurth, who reports on two decades of cruise experience in her book "Wo bitte geht's zum Meer" (Diana-Verlag, € 14.99).
The good news: the woman can write. The bad news: the woman has nothing to say, but still doesn't shy away from a 223-page paperback in which she explains, among other things, how she once traveled with her mother (and the bus) from Frankfurt to the cruise terminal in Genoa. The journey takes eleven pages and does not stop at coffee breaks on the highway or tailbone pain. A ten-liner would certainly have made more sense - and would have sufficed.
And so the book continues in a rather (un)funny way. Regardless of whether Ms. Querfurth opens the wardrobe to her ship's wardrobe for us: "On embarkation day, we are allowed to walk around informally in the evening. I just keep the dress I've been wearing all day. It's not a cocktail dress, costume or trouser suit (...)" or whether she tells us about her eating disorder, which requires a great deal of therapy: "On my plate is sole Provencale in the company of lamb chops with an almond crust. Next to it is a chicken skewer and a slice of Margherita pizza. I also took the risotto with asparagus and the baked eggplants with thyme from the antipasti buffet. There are also five tortellini to try (..)". Then there are her so-called "lifebuoys for beginners" - true wisdom along the lines of "It's better to book excursions that are close to your heart before you leave. Otherwise they might be fully booked". And, as if all this wasn't boring and meaningless enough, she also explains to us in her "cruise gobbledygook" what a "shuttle bus" is, where "starboard" is, or what you need "stabilizers" for ... Thank you for that, Ms. Querfurth!
But let's be honest: why is there no readable cruise book in the German-speaking world that really gets you in the mood, inspires, informs and, if you like, critically questions or drips with sarcasm - like the brilliant "Schrecklich amüsant - aber in Zukunft bitte ohne mich" by US author David Foster Wallace?
Whether it's Matthias Politycki's unspeakable little book "Around the World in 180 Days" about a voyage on board the MS Europa, Angelo Colagrossi's amusing novel "Mr. Blunagalli on a Grand Cruise" or Bettina Querfurth's lesson in "I don't really have a message or a concept, but I'm going to write anyway" - there's nothing we really want to read!
Or have you perhaps already found the ultimate cruise book in some on-board library or your favorite bookstore ashore? If so, please let me know (email me at joerg.bertram@ccircle.cc) - I have two sea days ahead of me on the way from Fort Lauderdale to Antigua, which I would love to spend with a cruise book in the deck chair ...
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